I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
