I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
