she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
