So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
