Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
