you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
