my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
