does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
