dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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