I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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