He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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