they need to just BURY HIM!
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
