I think I can smell my own vagina right now
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
