Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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