the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
