What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
