Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
