I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
