I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
