One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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