we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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