Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
