So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize