its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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