playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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