I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
