hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
