do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
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