because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
