there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize