So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
