If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
