my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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