How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
