Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize