I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
