I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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