I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
