Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
