yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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