She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
