why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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