I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
