I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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