I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
