whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
We need to rekindle our bromance
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
