i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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