Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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