We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
