So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
