so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
