he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
