So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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