i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
