Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
