Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
