Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's no shave November. This is our time.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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