can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
