Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
