Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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