Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i drank out of a bidet.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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