Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
