Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize