The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize