Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
