I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Randomize
