I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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