um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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