Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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