Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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