Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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