this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
