My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
