Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
